Beautiful- Journal Entry

So I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what being beautiful means to me, and what it means to everyone else. What being a beautiful person means. What “outer beauty” vs. “inner beauty” is, and how letting others know how beautiful they are, is beautiful in itself.

First about inner beauty. Now, my favorite movie is Clueless, and I watched a few times over the break, and I have this thing where I tend to emulate characteristics of people around me or in books or movies that I’m into at the moment. I’ve always done it. It just happens. Like, when I write parts of Jailbreak, I start dressing like Carsen, wearing more black and wearing hats…just things like that. And so, when I got on a Clueless kick, I noticed myself putting more effort into my outfits and makeup, which can be taken as a selfish thing. But I also noticed myself smiling more and complimenting everyone I saw.

It got me thinking about how Cher, the main character in Clueless, is a very complicated character. She’s spoiled, self-centered, self-righteous, and vain. But she’s also generous, kind, loving, and always tries her hardest.

To me, Cher is a great example of a beautiful character. She is physically beautiful, yes, but she also has beautiful intentions, meaning she really wants to make the world a better place. She has a beautiful grasp on love. She falls in love, true love, not fake love, and she wants to be good, like the man she’s fallen for. She loves her dad, enough to listen to him, but also enough to support him in the way a mother would.

She loves her friends and she loves to help people (even if it’s not always in the right way). She’s popular because of her beauty, and instead of letting it become something she uses as a weapon, she, to quote her, “uses her popularity for a good cause”. But a huge part of her beauty is her imperfection. She’s not always smart, and that’s endearing. She’s a little over-confident, but she realizes when she’s wrong. Perfection is beautiful, but unfortunately, perfection doesn’t exist on the earth. Imperfections are some of the most common, human, and beautiful parts of people. Without imperfection, there couldn’t be growth.

The most beautiful part of Cher is her arc, in which she grows and changes to become better. That’s where I think inner beauty comes from. Growth towards a better you. And I know, this is really silly, saying all of this based off of a movie, but I think it’s true. I don’t believe you need to be perfect to be beautiful.

Now, dealing with outer beauty. Outer beauty is most often a trend. Something the world decides and so is put into effect. It’s sad, but even body types go “in and out of fashion.” I don’t have a solution to shaming and stereotypes, but what I can say is that everyone has beauty, and all we can do is let them know that their beauty is real. Everyone’s is different, but everyone is so beautiful. The human race is the most beautiful thing in the world. Lakes, and rainbows, and gold, and stars, and waterfalls, and animals, and forests are beautiful, but people are more beautiful than any of those things.

I know that for me, getting compliments is such a good feeling, and so I always try to share that good feeling with others. The other day Bo told me I was gorgeous, and I wanted to cry. It was so sweet and out of the blue, and it made me so happy. So for the rest of the day I complimented as many people as I could.

If all of us could just spread, share, and shout about the beauty of everything on this earth, we would be so much happier. I deeply desire for the world to be happy and confident and peaceful. We need to know our own beauty, see others’ beauty, and make the world a more beautiful place. The looks on people’s faces when you let them know how beautiful they really are is something you’ll never forget.


“So, Blue Eyes,” he began, leaning back in his chair, “What’s your deal?” Diane paused.

“My deal?” she asked, turning around to meet his gaze. This “Jailbreak” guy had been without a silencing mask for fifteen minutes, and she was already sick of him. He was relentless. Asking question after question about what had happened, his location, and why he was chained to a desk, that being information she couldn’t disclose at the moment.  So she worked at her own desk in silence, knowing if she opened her mouth, she’d say something that she might regret. Occasionally, she glanced over to check that he hadn’t gotten a hold of anything that could assist an escape, but she had refused to look him in the eyes. He obviously wanted her attention, and so now he resorted to asking questions about her. She stared him down. “What do you think my deal is?”

He smirked, obviously pleased with her reaction. “Well, my first guess was that you were deaf, but then I saw that cute little face you made when I commented on your resemblance to the Great Governor…so obviously you can hear me.” Diane’s ears turned red. “You’re his daughter. Right?” She didn’t respond. “No? Oh well, that’s too bad. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like being his kid. Having a way out of any situation you wanted, having a way into any job or school you wanted.” Diane felt her stomach twinge. “Never needing to take responsibility, having the Americas bow at your feet…not ever having to do anything for yo-”

“Yes, I’m his daughter. Now would you shut up?” Diane snapped. This guy was absolutely relentless. He looked at her for a second, seeming to analyze every bit of her, reading her mind. “Wow…so what’s it like having one of those families of rich little gafuffs?” He taunted. Then he chuckled, adding, “Or…what’s it like being one of those rich gafuffs?” Diane threw her pen against the desk and stood up. Striding over to the holding table, she glared at him. “I’m his daughter, I’m not his friend, and I’m not him. Now get off my back, and shut up.” He smirked once again. That little smirk alone made her want to punch him.

“Oh, I’m sorry, was I on your back? I’d rather be on your front.”

Diane stared into his eyes, brown eyes glittering with humor, and had to summon all the strength inside her to turn around and walk away. Lacey said not to kill the prisoners, so I’m not gonna kill the prisoners. She thought to herself.

I’m not gonna kill the prisoner. Not gonna kill him. She took a deep breath and sat back in her chair.

“Hey Blue Eyes, I gotta go to the bathroom.”

Diane let out an exasperated groan. This was going to be a long day.

The Attendant

Chapter 1

In the back alleys and by the dark highways. The little streets and shadowed corners. In the abandoned basement, when the disco was done. That’s when you’d hear it’s name. In the shade, in the city, in the morning, in the forest. It was in our heads, on the walls. It’s presence truly engulfed us. It’s name was spoken only in hushed tones. But even when a name like that is whispered, it rings through the city. It had no meaning but destruction. We had never heard it speak, but we knew it’s narrative. We had never watched it walk, but it’s smoky footprints covered the ground. We didn’t know if it could hear us, so we never called on it. All the shouts and curses echoed on the news. Those were it’s fault. The burning buildings and shootings covering the papers. These were it’s doing. This thing had the power to tear us inside out, to beat us to the ground, and all we knew was its name.

It was 2041, and the Attendant was emerging.


Ruthie’s dark hair bounced against her shoulders as she jogged in place. This was her chance to prove herself, and to finally be rewarded. This was it. This was her month.

After all this training, she had worked herself dead, and was ready to be respected. She tossed her towel over the ring and thumped one big red glove against the other. Closing her eyes, she shrugged the yellow jacket off her shoulders.“You got this,” she thought to herself. Knowing she hadn’t fought in a while, she was a little nervous, but she was determined. Opening her eyes, Ruthie found herself face to face with her opponent. Game time.

“Are you ready?” questioned her mother, in her usual sweet tone, though Ruthie caught a playfully competitive spark in her voice.  

“I’m ready.” Ruthie exhaled, bending her knees. They had done this a thousand times before. And though Cecily was usually occupied being a mother, Ruthie knew from experience she wasn’t fragile. Ruthie and her mom sparred once a week, as they had since she was little. But every once in a while, Ruthie was on top of her game, and would challenge her mother to a real fight. That invitation was music to Cecily’s ears.

Cecily Addison was a kind, strong woman, that firmly believed no person, especially a little girl, should run around in their world completely defenseless. So when young Ruthie wasn’t at school, and Cecily wasn’t busy keeping a roof over their heads, they were watching a movie, playing a game, or boxing in the ring in the garage.

And here we were, years later, in the ring in the garage, and Ruthie still hadn’t won in a fight against her mom. Until now.

Cecily smiled. “Here we go.”

Ruthie bounced on the balls of her feet. Her mother lunged forward in an attempt to strike her abdomen, but Ruthie jumped back to block her hit. She swung again, and Ruthie ducked to the side. As Cecily took a long breath in, Ruthie stepped and jabbed toward her head. Cecily, anticipating her daughter, covered her own face, blocked her, and sent Ruthie into the ground. Ruthie groaned. She could hear her mother’s quiet chuckle. “Come on, honey,” Cecily encouraged.

She stood quickly, using her low stance to throw a left uppercut toward her mother with even more power. She was blocked again. Her mom took a step toward her, and Ruthie pivoted and swung, landing a punch this time. Cecily contracted and staggered back, nearly falling over. As she recovered, a small smirk crept up her face, obviously proud of Ruthie’s progress. Feeling confident, Ruthie attempted to double her streak. She jabbed at Cecily, expecting another hit, but was blocked. Ruthie’s frown deepened. She swung once more, and was met with, again, a block. Ruthie slowly got more frustrated. Another swing, and another miss. Cecily’s smirk was now a smile. Glad, but also teasing. Ruthie side stepped a swing from her mother. She was getting tired, so she had to make whatever came next count. She lunged, jabbed, and then, mustering all the strength in her, threw a punch. She was confident this was it. One second, her fist was flying away from her, and then, all of the sudden, she was looking at the ceiling. Her side ached, and she knew she had lost…again.

Cecily knelt next to her. “Are you good?”

“Yep,” coughed Ruthie, letting a small smile slip over her face. Cecily laughed and helped her sit up. Hugging her, Ruthie winced. She’d have to check for bruises later. Cecily tucked the loose curls of Ruthie’s hair behind her ear and started to stand.

“That was great, honey, you just have to remember to be aware of your weight placement. If you’re too far back, a block like that sends you right over.” Cecily was beaming at her daughter. “I’m so proud of my little girl,” she smiled, pulling Ruthie up with her.

Ruthie looked into her mother’s twinkling coffee colored eyes. She didn’t know how she gotten so lucky in the mom department. “Thanks,” Ruthie smiled, massaging her forehead.

“Well,” she thought, “there’s always next month.”

50 Book Challenge

Image result for etiquette and espionage   –Etiquette and Espionage by Gail Carriger

I really liked this book! It’s 307 pages and I finished it 9/9/18. The genre is young adult fiction, set in a steampunk world. It’s creative, very funny, and keeps you involved the whole time.  I would give this a total 4/5 stars.

–Heartless by Marissa Meyer

This book is absolutely amazing!!!! It’s my favorite book ever! It’s beautiful and amazing and I love it…I’ve read it six times. It’s an adventurous fantasy romance, it’s 453 pages and if I didn’t mention before I love it 🙂 I would give this book a 6/5 stars.

–Truly Devious

This is a really good book! It’s suspenseful but charming, and sucks you in right at the start. The one problem would be that there’s a little bit of swearing and inappropriate content. It’s a murder mystery, 416 pages and I would give it a 3/5 stars.

–The Witch of Blackbird Pond

I read this book for my history class and at first I was kind of bored, but then it picked up and I ended up loving it! It’s a historical fiction about fitting in and dealing with conflict. It’s 256 pages and I’d give it a 3.5/5 stars.

–The Iron Trial

I’ve read this book a couple times, and I love it every time. It has wonderful characters, great writing, and awesome plot twists. It’s 304 pages. The genre is fantasy, it’s easy to read, but very worth it. 4/5 stars.



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