My Realistic Fiction Story

Before J.J. went to bed it was raining like cats and dogs. It sounded like the dogs and cats were crying . It made her feel uncomfortable. Her parents came up to her room, said good night, and gave her a big fat red kiss. In her old raggedy bed. Her dad’s was a slobbery one.

J.J.´s dad put a bucket where a leak was. Then everyone else went to bed.  After a couple of hours, the leaks turned into a flood.

Everyone in J.J.´s family woke up, except J.J.. J.J.´s parents didn’t notice she was still in the house. They did a headcount but they realized J.J. was not with them. J.J.´s mom started to cry because she did not know if she was okay. The dad called 911. The police answered and said, “What is your emergency?” The dad said,

“My house is flooding and my daughter is in there,” he said in a stressed voice.

“We will be right there,” the police said while hanging up the phone. The dad told the family the police would be here in a minute.

10 minutes later the police arrived. They parked right by the house. The police  ran like a cheetah to the door. The police saw J.J. swim with an octopus face because she was so purple. He tried to break the door down. He looked like he was a gorilla.  But the door didn’t budge. He found a hole and made it bigger so J.J. could breathe through it. Right when J.J. was going to breathe through the hole, she passed out.

The next thing J.J. heard was “Beeeeep! Beeeeep!”  She was in the hospital. Her parents saw that she was awake.

Everyone in J.J.’s family came in the room and hugged her.  J.J.’s parents started to cry. Everyone was very happy. The doctor’s came into the room and saw how happy J.J.’s family was. J.J. was going to be okay.

Story lead#1 – Flood House

 

Before JJ went to bed it was raining like cats and dogs. It made her feel uncomfortable. Her parents came up to her room and said good night and came to her and gave her a big fat red kiss and a slobbery one from her dad. JJs dad put a bucket  were a leak was. Then everyone went to bed after a couple of hours more leaks came then there was started to flood….

What do you think of my lead?

What can I do to make it better?